Estimated 3-7 minutes of reading time-
Many children with a Neurodivergent brain type are intuitively drawn to make music with both their bodies and instruments. That's so cool!
Speaking as one of those grown children though, its easy to loose our musical joy and start to disconnect from that initial musical mindset over time. Making music begins to stay inside of structured practice sessions, outside events, or music lessons.
And even worse, we can begin to dread or look to those sessions as a low priority.
Does this sound familiar? Here's the first steps of what you need to do to break that cycle:
1) Find their current Musical 'Dopamine'
Yes, I know this is probably an overused concept at this point, but bear with me ;)
In plain and simple terms, if there is no 'Musical Dopamine',
-THEY CANNOT FUNCTION MUSICALLY-
Practice sessions will be painful, attitude will be high, and you will risk your child detaching from music entirely.
It's like expecting a car running on empty to go on an exciting trip with you. It doesn't matter how important or exciting it is to you, the car will not run unless it has fuel.
But don't worry!
There are SO many ways to get this "Musical Dopamine" effect. I go into this concept further in the Membership Circle, so if you want specific details please head there. For now though, remember INCUP.
INCUP is an acronym that stands for interest, novelty, challenge, urgency, and passion.
The term was first proposed by psychologist William Dodson and that 'I' for Interest is an absolutely brilliant way to start yourself thinking for ways to get that Musical Dopamine working before you start your practice. Do with this information what you will :) and please don't blame me if you have too much fun practicing after you find something 'Interesting' to start your musical day with.
2) 'Mmm'
Take two things, Puppies and Corporate Work. Would a puppy ever judge you for your mistakes? nope! You fall over and they'll turn it into an opportunity to play on you and lick your face with joy. Your Corporate Boss however... might not view your mistakes so kindly...
so please
'MAKE MUSIC MISTAKES' SAFE.
Every 'mistake' you see your child make, every flaw in someone else's playing, every struggle... By reacting like a little puppy with kindness, positivity, and directional change you will accomplish two things. Not only will you minimize any RSD your child may be coping with, you will also program their brain to start seeing the positive in everything. I know this is easier said than done, especially when you want to see them reach their full potential, which is why I feel the last point is so important.
3) Your Perspective
You might want to plug your digital ears for this...
YOU'RE DOING AMAZING!
AND YOUR LITTLE GOOBER IS DOING GOOD TOO!
ahem.. Now why do I feel like I have the ability to say this to you, my dearest friend whom I don't know? Because first of all, you're reading this article trying to find ways to help your child. That's super amazing!
Second no matter what you feel you are failing in, or lacking, I PROMISE YOU your grown child won't remember it above the beautiful things you're doing for them. I was once a child of a parent who felt the same way you feel, and my Mother and I have been able to have several fascinating conversations about her perspective vs mine about how our musical education went during childhood. Let me first say,
No, she was not perfect.
However the guilt and fear she carried about the individual steps she was doing, frankly wasn't worth it in my opinion. She's Awesome! and the most important thing:
SHE GAVE ME A LOVE OF MUSIC
So in behalf of your child, I'm asking you to try another perspective.
View everything as one of those beautiful professional photoshopped nature pictures. You know what I mean? where the flaws are still obviously there, but you can't really notice the flaws because you're focused on the whole picture together.
Maybe the dopamine isn't flowing on the scales, and the intonation is just not getting to where it should be. Maybe there's mistakes everywhere! Maybe it's hard to make time for what you want to do during the day, you feel like you never have enough practice time when you're at lesson. Maybe you were running late too!
....
I'm not impressed by your worries and guilt.
Worrying about these human struggles, don't change them
~Life is Life~
So instead of doing those hideous scales today, use pillows on the floor as the note steps and sing and jump around on them.
Instead of increasing the practice time when you barely have space to think, make it a game for them to play as many songs as possible while you fold the laundry while making goofy faces at them.
Just don't worry if the bow hold isn't quite perfect every time!
Sing in the car as you're driving to the appointment you're running 10 minutes late to.
And most of all, remember that you're doing amazing :)
okey love you bye!
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